#007: Why Hard Choices Makes Us Stronger
Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life. — Jerzy Gregorek
This piece was written in 2016 and it continues to have an impact on me in both the way I make hard choices and the path I choose in life. I decided to share it once again through the Newsletter because I think it's important for others to embrace hard choices and become your best self.
In May 2015, I decided to pack my bags and head overseas to work in the States. I was leaving friends, family, routine, familiar surroundings, and heading to a place I had never been, not knowing what was going to happen next. Until that point I had traveled quite a bit in my time but never lived abroad, so as you may well imagine coming to this decision was one of the biggest choices I have ever had to make, but I’m glad I did, and looking back, I don’t think I would have had it any other way.
I was faced with a hard choice.
Interestingly, a year prior in May 2014 (maybe it was serendipity), I was brought to the attention of a TED talk given by Ruth Chang. Ruth gave a powerful talk at TEDSalon NY about How to Make Hard Choices. It had such an impact on me personally, that I decided to share it with anyone willing to give this piece a read and hopefully help you as it did for me to make that hard decision you’ve been considering for a while.
It Might Not Be That Hard
Making hard choices is by their nature hard right? But why are they hard and how can you come to a final decision on which choice to make. Well, this is where Ruth comes in. Her logic of making that hard choice is surprisingly simple, but yet effective.
In her talk, she provides a series of anecdotes about various examples of said choices and provides hypothetical scenarios in which relative increases in the supposed attractiveness of one choice is proposed. From here, she analyses whether that choice (decision) has succeeded in becoming the better option to pursue. This may not make sense to you right now, but we’ll go with a simple example to help better explain what Ruth means.
Let’s say you have two options you’re considering;
An offer to take on a new job overseas
Staying at your current job
From the two options provided, you can already see the pros and cons of each option.
Option 1 carries the risk of leaving your friends and family, a greater cost in moving as well as the chance of your new job not being quite what you anticipated. However, this option provides an opportunity to travel abroad and experience a new culture, lifestyle, and sense of adventure that you wouldn’t have considered before.
Option 2 looks like it’s the safer and best option to take at face value. Staying at your current job means financial security, stability, familiar surroundings, and food for thought knowing that you are surrounded by people you know. But the dilemma of this choice is the fact that you probably don’t want to stay and are seeking an experience working abroad. The risk in the first choice is high and putting off your decision to move.
Mixing It Up!
Let’s now throw a spanner into the works. Your current boss is now offering you a significant pay rise (Option 2). A rise enough to make you reconsider Option 2 entirely. Now if we assume that both these options are of equal value in terms of what they have to offer and what you have to lose, then rationally speaking, the pay rise should be enough to simplify your choice by deciding to stay at your current job. Decision made! Now, for some people, this would work. But for others, the choices are still difficult and perhaps made even more complicated for a few. Now hang on, we’re rational beings, right? — this means our choices should also be rational. If someone incentivizes you with something extra then we must choose that better option. But this isn’t happening. Why?
Ruth suggests that our goals and aspirations have nothing to do with our rational nature as humans. Quantifying our choices is futile and inexact. People make decisions based on two forms of influence; external and internal.
Don’t Be A Drifter
Those who base their choices solely on external influences are drifters. They allow the world to dictate who they become. As Ruth puts it — “Drifters allow the world to write the story of their lives. They let mechanisms of reward and punishment — pats on the head, fear, the easiness of an option — to determine what they do.” Their decisions are a result of how others are to perceive them. I’ve definitely been down that path. We all have at some point.
However, those who choose their decisions based on internal factors define who they become from within themselves. They choose a path that gives them meaning. Who are they to become and what do they want to fulfill?
So what should I take from this?
Next time you’re faced with a hard choice, don’t be a drifter. Find reasons from within yourself and choose a path that gives you meaning and ignore what the rest of the world will think. Choose your path based on your internal factors — whatever they are. The lesson of hard choices should be embraced and not thought of as a plight on the human condition. Hard choices are a chance for each of us to demonstrate our freedom of choice and should allow us to make decisions that define who we are as a person and not what the world thinks we should become.
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